KUBEKoin first & only Kryptokurrency, and only way to pay for the KUBE in 2022*. I know you’ll have many kwestions, so here’s a KUBEKoin FAQ:

(This is satire, don’t email me.)

How do I purchase KUBEKoin?

Every KUBEKoin kan be purchased for $10 USD via Venmo, Paypal or via last resorts of Cash App or actual cash or check delivered to a registered KUBE Kollektor. KUBEKoin is a “StableCoin” meaning that its value is tied to the USD. It’s always worth $10.

What does a KUBEKoin get me?

Every KUBEKoin is worth 1 entry into the KUBE Klassik. KUBEKoins must be used in the year that they are purchased.

Does it get me anything else, or are there any other uses?

No. $10 = 1 KUBEKoin. 1 KUBEKoin = 1 entry in the KUBE Klassik.

So it’s $10 to enter, just like it always is?

No, 1 KUBEKoin

But these are the same?

Well, when you put it that way…

And they are paid for in the same way, via Venmo, PayPal, Cash App, Cash or Check, making sure that I note when I’m buying KUBEKoins for other brackets, and carefully documenting who all of my payments are for?

Yes, especially that last part. Great kwestion.

Is the “blockchain” or anything involved in any way?

No Komment.

Is this a shameless (low effort) attempt to kash in on enthusiasm for a technology that konfuses & angers people with all levels of tech kompetence?

No Komment.

Are you prepared for people who read this email, are konfused, and email you with annoying kwestions, even though you said at the beginning that it was a joke?

I’m a little worried, but those people mostly email my dad.

Why is this post so long?

Yeah, that’s a good point. Thanks for reading.

Viral Komunications

There has been a lot of talk about the Kovid Klassik.  Maybe too much talk.  How did this come together?  Why did this come together?  What kind of idiots entered and what kind of spektakular idiots donated cash money for prizes.  As many of you know the KUBE Klassik was a money laundering scam conceived of by Michael Becker and his financial planner.  Over the years we have amassed millions and hundreds of dollars bilking people out of a seemingly insignificant $10.00 per entry, encouraging them to make numerous entries, involving their friends until it became a criminal betting enterprise.  Then we would dole out a small amount of prize money to the gullible, invest the proceeds into payday lenders, massage parlors and commercial banks and the money rolled in. But it was all predicated on 600-700 slightly post pubescent males, ostensibly “educating themselves”, showing up each March and playing a little bit of basketball for a couple hours a night.

For some reason unknown to this writer, no one showed up this year.  OK, millennial.

All that having been said and out of… well…boredom, I thought you could perhaps use some insight from the guy who has helped game the KUBE Klassik for over 20 years.  So my feelings on the field:

DON KUKLA QUARTILE

1. Larry Mc Dowell is huge force. He is a big dumb animal and as a number 1 seed, he is …unstoppable.  Do not bet against him.  He will win, he must win.  He starts off against Bill Warlop.  A 16 seed.  He has no chance or more importantly I might, or might not have knocked over the table holding his wedding cake sometime back in the 80s.
2. The Pat Becker/Jess Gegel Battle is a battle of titans. Patrick lives in KC and like Mc Dowell, is a big dumb animal but he is young and he is cagey.  Be careful. Jess Gegel comes from a deeply and profoundly troubled family and simply cannot be counted out.  She is nice, sweet, smart  and pushes wine in northern Michigan.  Don’t discount her.
3. Brent Clark….Married one of my nieces. He is…in a word…a psyho.  Happily he is a 12 seed and is a walking dead man.
4. Meghan Kukla, insider. She has a lot of children.  Don’t cross her or she will show up with them.
5. Christine Sadler is a LONG time KUBE Kontestant. She has been in the game for years and is always kompetitive and is my dark horse in the Don Kukla Brakket.
6. Todd King, hounded out of the country after a bad marriage with an actual witch. Todd will not be invited back to the United States.  There are reasons.  Let’s leave it at that. We are told he now lives in Germany.  I don’t know.
7. Jay Vance… School principal….Nebraska…let’s just say it a sad story.

JON BECKER QUARTILE

1. Colin Ring?
2. The Olstad/Hogg match up is a puzzler. Olstad was ome of those sad, sad Lutheran South/Valparaiso people.  Hogg….Hogg was my RA in Clark Hall at TCU.  He graduated undergrad in like 6 months and then it took him like 9 years at Mizzou Law School.    I like Olstad in this matchup.
3. John Weinstroer… for God’s sake watch Uncle John. He is deceptively old and lulls you into complacency and then…
4. Sandy Becker… married me. Pray for her.
5. Karen Warlop (See Bill Warlop but smarter) I am expecting her to surprise.
6. Doug Weber as a 2 seed? He is very unlucky.

MIKE BECKER QUARTILE

1. Colin Fields or @Colinfields as he is known on Twitter, does not really exist. My son Jon conjured Colin out of thin air, made up a Twitter tag and breathed life into him.  He is ghost.  He faces off against my sister.  My sister is retired, she has two disappointing children and almost a handful of grandkids… she is not going to survive this round.
2. Laura Hessel, a Kukla insider. Recently was forced to move to Colorado.  Many clients are concerned that she took the money.  She donated money along with several others just to boot me out of the tournament. Needless to say, she hold a grudge.
3. Lydia Becker… married to Jon. Mother of the brilliant, talented, beautiful, perfect, virtuoso harmonica player Julia Becker.  Lydia will crush the Warlop kid.  Why did we let 3 Warlops in?  #overwarlopped?
4. Kyle Dewees… I would like to say that Kyle shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, but he is not interesting enough. Kyle is lonely, friendless and shifty.  But he married up God bless him!  A lucky 13 seed.
5. Ellery Shaftenaar, also from a deeply troubled family. Ellery had a deeply disturbing childhood with siblings who were mean and uncaring at best.  She has soldiered on bravely and frankly is a lock in the first round.
6. Laura Bicanic drew a very unlucky 14 seed. She married well.  She will be OK, but the 14 seed after Super Tuesday primary seems harsh.
7. The Jon Bicanic Vickie Cozad matchup I believe is a Valpo Centric Battle. Jon has a very expensive wife with very elite tastes.  He needs the money.  Cozad will let him win because she is nice.
8. Mike Flavin…what kind of animal beats up on a little girl. Julia is 2 ½   She is still singing “The Wheels on the Bus” and you are going to crush her dreams!  What are you?  A BANKER?!

DAN KUKLA QUARTILE

1. Kris Eubank as the number one seed? I don’t know him.  Don’t like him.  Or her.    Kris?
2. The Banga/Daniels matchup is one of the more troubling ones in the whole field. Banga does computer, appy, clever stuff and Daniels… well he married my brothers oldest daughter and then went into business with his father in law.  He is not real bright but he is a nice kid.  More than anything, he is a gamer.  This could be a slugfest.
3. Jolene Siebarth. Lutheraner than Luther.  Works with troubled Lutheran Kids in St. Charles.  She is from Michigan.  She needs a win.
4. Rob Kukla, one of Dons 32 siblings and perhaps the pick of the litter. He will tough to beat in a 4 seed.
5. John De Penaloza. Mostly Harmless.
6. Jason Wyeth against Ella Vance pits a kid with both Arcadia konnections and closed head wound against Ella Vance. Teacher, Nebraskan, mother of 5?  If there is any 15 seed that can prevail, she is the one.

So, we onto day 1 of March Madness.  We are social distancing. Working from home.  Eating our children.  Whatever we need to survive.  I these troubled, troubled days I urge you to tune into the Kovid Klassik.  Turn off the news.  PAY NOT ATTENTION TO THE STOCK MARKET!  Let’s pull together, self quarantine and where possible drink.  This will be the first March Madness in years where I have not been three beers in by tip off.  Be nice to one another and don’t make fun of poor Jon when he going life and flipping that damn coin over 1000 times in the first round alone.

Thanks to everyone who played and who contributed!

Soooo…. We are marching into weak 2 and I say weak very
intentionally because frankly we have seen a great deal of weak play in the
KUBE. #sad.  Low energy Russian Oligark
Jon Becker moved houses over opening weekend and the KUBE Knation was left to
itself to watch the drama unfold.  There
was a lot of drama but speaking personally, nothing good for me happened once
New Mexico State and Yale fell in the first round.  Both teams gave spirited efforts but at the
end of the day… nothing.

We have had some upsets. 
We have had some fun.  Thursday
opened at Hot Shots with a throng of KUBE supporters filling the Webster Hot
Shots and screaming obscenities, drinking, smoking and performing the random
small animal sacrifice while drinking copious amounts fo Busch, Bud Select
(what makes it “select”?) and Mountain Dew Code Red because you see, in the
throng we had not only Greg Gates, not only David Kowert but the inimitable Ben
(Big Ben) Kowert who was on Spring Break (Break from WHAT?) from CBC.  Actually, that was the whole crowd but a good
time was had by all.  There were other
gatherings of the faithful, some on Friday (a bastardization of NCAA/KUBE
Tradition) at Kirkwood Brew House and of kourse a lot of people surreptitiously
watching on their computers at work (God Bless You).

The Standings…. The standings…. Deeply troubling.  As of 1:23 PM on the 25^th with the
Second Round Komplete I have the same question I ask every year….WHO ARE THESE
PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO TAKE MY MONEY?  Kowert P. in number one.  I assume this is Paul.  Paul is a kousin of David and  the Kowert Winstroer clan is a feral group,
primarily from West Kounty with no respect for God, Kountry or KUBE Tradition.  I have tried to get them banned and despite
Uncle John’s best efforts to “bring down the internet” with his failure to
figure out how to enter, pay, turn on the computer and switch off FOX News
(Fair and Balanced), there is… a grotesque amount of “those people” involved in
this thing of ours.  Paul has Tennessee
going all the way and a strong possible point total.  Clearly… he is to be reckoned with. I don’t
know Mindak (North Karolina) or Frontczak (Kentucky).  Frontscak is named “Joey” so I am assuming he
is 7 and his parents don’t like him very much.Collin Fields, a friend of Jon
Bekker and victim of a “closed head trauma) is coming in at 4^th with
Michigan State!  What a hodge podge!
Collin is also tied for 6^th in a showing that can only be described
as…piggish.

Looking to the bottom of the standings at 650… kouldn t be
prouder to see my bride Sandy Bekker with her koin toss pick with remarkable
31% pick rate.  We all know Sandy has
made a lot of poor choices in her life with marriage… and children but who
knew…SHE IS JUST UNLUCKY!  None of this
is her fault.  I don’t know a lot of the
loveable losers at the bottom of the brakket other than my bride but I did
appreciate Logan Finnerty’s homage to our GREAT AND BENEVOLENT LEADER with his
“Trust The Gut” entry.  Yes Logan… your
instincts are…excellent!

650 Entries.  But how
many of you stupid, STUPID people even figured out how to pay?  If you don’t have your money in by this week,
KUBE Management will start striking entries. 
Even if you did pay your entry might be srtikken just because we
kan.  You are not in control.  There has been a great dela of FAKE KNEWS!
Regarding KUBE Management.  Dan Kukla has
moved back to town, Donald (The Pilot) Kukla is… well who knows where Don is
this week, he is running his own personal “Wheres Waldo” contest where no one
other than his wife has any idea where he is day to day, week to week.  Hunter and Patrick and Moneta have put his
picture on  milk kartons hoping he might
be located tgo add some semblance of order to the KUBE.  We are heartened and humbled by participation
this year.  Remember that on Monday, the
finals that Donald “The Donald” Kukla, will be hosting a party at the depot
funded by your entry fees.  This opulent
spread includes but is not limited to:

• Busch Beer
• Chic Fit Et Nuggets
• White Kastles (Plain and Cheeseburger)
• Jello Molds
• Rock Cocaine
• Foi Gras
• Stag Beer
• This is not an even to be missed. 

Most importantly, when in the end, all the money winners and
whacky…whacky prizes go to people named Kukla or Bekker always remember that as
Mueller and Bekker have konkluded….

NO KOLLUSION!

Remember, KUBE is and always will be “Stupid People Doing
Stupid Things” and by participating you become one of the Stupid brotherhood
and sisterhood.  Good lukk going into
week 2.  As I like to say to my clients
when they discuss investing in their brother in laws new limited partnership….
What could possibly go wrong?

Sooooo….

Did the Russians HACK the NCAA Tournament? Why isnt Trump launching the NUKES!

I need a show of hands… how many KUBE participants thought that UMBC had something to do with United Missouri Bank? It is somewhat troubling late on Sunday night of weekend one to witness the Karnage of the NCAA’s… I am Currently watching the Retrievers give Kansas State everything they can handle. The Retrievers… they are not even loyal. Nevada just beat Cincinnati…OH the HUMANITY! The KUBE is beginning to look like a terror attack. The Wolfpack wins and it is not even NC State!

The bookmakers… the bookmakers normally do an excellent job. The seeding committee for the tourney does a really good job. I have sat out in Vegas and watched the point spreads play out, game after game. Virginia… the Cavaliers were prohibitively the number 1 seed. 31-2 in the ACC. Clearly the ACC… ain’t what it used to be, at least this year. I just finished watching North Carolina’s humiliation at the hands of Texas A & M. Syracuse… and the hated Jim Boeheim beat up on my Horned Frogs and then squeaked by my somewhat, sometimes beloved Michigan State Spartans. Missouri….dead….Texas…dead….Michigan State…dead…Niedermeyer….DEAD!

The KUBE standings are a travesty. After a brief strong showing by my grandaughter Julia and my daughter in law (the venerable Lyd Squash) there is not a Becker insite. A duggan…a Lichtenstein (that was a country right?) and a Nagle. WHO IS JOHN NAGLE? Why did he enter the KUBE over 93 times…is this allowed? Is it SANE? The Flavins were trying to make it a family event but North Carolina’s demise doomed Mike Jr. A guy named Zevan… who sells cartoon balloons in town is moving up due to the Syracuse disaster…I mean, we once had a respectable tournament here but since Rex Tillerson was fired everything has gone straight to hell. Cary Mogerman… Cary has always thought of himself as a top 500 player in the KUBE but with our recent expansion that has gotten more and more difficult.
H
Once again we have competitors from all over the Universe in this years KUBE. We are humbled for your participation and it is my little dream that if the government does not shut us down, we will be looking at 1000 KUBE Participants by Julias 5th birthday.

We now drift into the possibility of getting a few days work done prior to the next “winnowing”.

It is 7:30 on a Sunday night and this is what happens to the NCAA’s? I blame Hillary and Obama. I am expecting Virginia and Cincinnati coaches to be asking the important questions on Monday morning. What about Benghazi?

(This post was written and photoshopped without the consent or permission of anyone.)

Greetings my Loyal, Admiring KUBITES!

As you know for the past 40 years I have been running the most fabulous, biggest, most successful NCAA Basketball Pool Ever envisioned by God or by man with the help of my sometime friend “Little” Mike Becker.  Recently we have transferred the work to Little Mike’s son, Kim “Jong” Becker and my son Dan “Donald Jr.”  They have done an outstanding job that everyone is talking about, some of the best people and I and others want to use all the best words to compliment them.

As you know, each year millions (literally millions, I promise you)  of Americans have been playing the KUBE and we have distributed prize money based on a 1000 or so of you playing.  With the help of Russian Algorithms no matter how many hundreds of millions of people around the world play, we are able to generate a spreadsheet indicating we have a small number of players and an exponentially smaller prize pool.  Even with that prize pool I have been “skimming” money off for a lavish party thrown annually at KUKLA TOWER in Kirkwood which is sparsely attended and never attended by porn stars or Playboy Bunnies (FAKE NEWS PEOPLE!).  Additionally, as you have noticed, even with the artificially small prize pool, I prefer it VERY much if a family member of mine wins a portion of it, I mean, why not?  My family is better, smarter, smarterer than yours and we all went to the best schools and have very big buttons, and ours work!

Last year was very upsetting:

Joel Tripp, Marry Allsop, Cooper Duggan?  Who are or were these people?  Not family members! I don’t know who these people are.  THEY ARE FIRED.  None of them attended the

Party and this Tripp Kid…Joel?… seems like a National Anthem Kneeler for sure.  FIRED!

I can assure you that no one not named KUKLA will be in the top 10 this year.  That having been said I invite you all to:

1.    Play the KUBE yourself.  Play it often.  Play it hard.  Set personal goals for yourself to enter 10 times.  Your life is meaningless anyway and this might offer a small distraction by witness the greatness that is the KUBE.

2.    Encourage your friends to play.  Encourage them by threatening them if they don’t.  Troll them, call them names in Social media.  Question their patriotism, their masculinity if men, their morals if they are woman and generally be a childish bully.  Believe me…it works.

3.    Kids… you should be playing the KUBE!  Don’t hesitate to steal your parents credit card or PayPal account.  Get it done.

4.    We need a lot more international players.  The KUBE has been getting lousy deals with you expatriates who really are not Americans anyway.  If you don’t play the KUBE we will either nuke you, threaten to nuke you or apply tariffs as soon as someone explains to me what a tariff is.

Our goal this year is 22 million entries.  If we can reach that there will be a prize pool of almost ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS TO BE DIVIDED UP AMONG THE WINNING KUKLAS.  Let’s do this people.  Make the KUBE GREAT AGAIN.

Remember the rules:

1. Never give Michael Becker cash for your entry

2. All entries must be received by first tip off on Thursday.

3. Don’t upset me.  I have a very big button!

Soooo… you think the failure of the healthcare legislation, the failure of the Russia investigation, this mornings Tweet (I dont know that there was a Tweet this morning) is a scandal and a nightmare and a big disappointment?  Well… welcome to KUBEGATE! Let’s look at some scenarios:

S Carolina beats Oregon

1. Donald, The Good One
2. Luning, Greg (2)
3. Becker, Jon II
4. Jon Bicanic (Handpick)
5. Nagle, John (6)
6. Maxson, Matt
7. Martin, Ryan
8. (8t) Bicanic, Lar
9. (8t) Hogan, Lynn
10. (8t) Warlop, Tylor

Notice anything suspicious?

• 1. KUBE Ko Founder
• 3. Son of KUBE Ko Founder and Kurrent KUBE Manager
• 4. Son-In-Law of KUBE Ko Founder and married to God Daughter of KUBE Ko Founder
• 8. Daughter of KUBE Ko Founder and God Child of KUBE Ko Founder

Oregon beats S. Carolina

1. Becker, Jon II
2. Maxson, Matt
3. (3t)Hoffman, Meagan
4. (3t) Kukla, Jim (2)
5. Cozad, Vickie
6. Willie, Judy
7. Donald, The Good One
8. Luning, Greg (2)
9. Luning, Greg (2)
10. Nagle, John (6)

AGAIN?!

• 1. Son of KUBE Ko Founder and Kurrent KUBE Manager
• 3t. Some other Kukla (they are like a disease!)
• 7. KUBE Ko Founder

S. Carolina beats N. Carolina

1. Warlop, Tylor
2. Nagle, John (6)
3. Grit, Jonathon
4. Tripp, Joel
5. Allsop, Mary
6. Warlop, Karen
7. Kattalia, Kathryn
8. Sievers, Brendan
9. (9t) Bicanic, Lar
10. (9t) Hogan Lynn

• 9t. Daughter of KUBE Ko Founder and God Child of KUBE Ko Founder

Gonzaga beats Oregon

1. Donald, The Good One
2. Jon Bicanic (Handpick)
3. Willie, Max
4. Kattalia, Kathryn
5. Luning, Greg (2)
6. Mayes, John
7. Phelps, Michael, The
8. Becker, David 2
9. Sullivan, John
10. Warlop, Bill

• 1. KUBE Ko Founder
• 2. Son-In-Law of KUBE Ko Founder and married to God Daughter of KUBE Ko Founder

Oregon beats Gonzaga

1. Becker, Jon II
2. Maxson, Matt
3. (3t) Hoffman, Megan
4. (3t) Kukla, Jim (2)
5. Cozad, Vickie
6. Willie, Judy
7. Donald, The Good One
8. Bicanic, Jon (Handpick)
9. Luning, Greg (2)
10. Hogan Lynn

• 1. Son of KUBE Ko Founder and Kurrent KUBE Manager
• 3t. Some other Kukla (they are like a disease!)
• 8. Son-In-Law of KUBE Ko Founder and married to God Daughter of KUBE Ko Founder

Gonzaga beats N. Carolina

1. Kattalia, Kathryn
2. Becker, David 2
3. Sullivan, JOhn
4. Bozarth, Ryan 2
5. Fields, Collin 538 60/40
6. Donald, The Good One
7. Mayes, John
8. Warlop, Bill
9. David Kukla’s “Donald Trouble” Bracket
10. Haefner, Mark

• 2. Not one of MY Beckers
• 6. KUBE Ko Founder
• 9. Another $%^#@#$ Kukla!

Do you smell what I am cooking here?

Exactly.  How can this be happening?  Is it just a coincidence that,

THERE IS NO SKENARIO WHERE MICHAEL BECKER FINISHES IN THE MONEY!

Seriously?  We are going to need an investigation, a special prosekutor…something.  The Amerikan people are entitled to answers.  With your help, with this investigation we can,

MKGA!™

(Make KUBE Great Again!)

No, it’s not just a game

I will never forget the first time I walked into a locker room of crying athletes.

The silence was disorienting.

Doors closed behind me, shutting out a noisy, crowded gym still buzzing from the big game and bringing pure devastation into focus. Light sobs and hard sniffs were the only sounds in the room. I’ve never felt more awkward and out of place than I did in that moment.

Raw emotion is exhilarating when jubilant.

That’s why we love March Madness and its many One Shining Moments. That’s why we can’t stop watching INSANE replays like this.

Malik Monk!

Luke Maye!

UNBELIEVABLE!#FinalFour #GoHeels pic.twitter.com/egIlS5nmP1

— NCAA March Madness (@marchmadness) March 26, 2017

But raw emotion sucks the life out of you when it falls on the other end of the spectrum.

Watching another human experience unfiltered anguish creates it’s own kind of discomfort that cannot be easily described.

In sports, these two scenes go hand-in-hand. Every euphoric celebration is paired with a locker room of heartache. Sure, we are all familiar with “the thrill of victory and agony of defeat,” but it is much more real than that — on both sides. And the brighter the One Moment shines, the darker the despair is for the losers.

The commentators in Florida’s stunning win over Wisconsin made brief mention of this after the final-second floater found its way through the net. It came into clear view on Sunday when this video of crying Kentucky players came out.

The key comment: “This isn’t a locker room that looks like guys don’t care.”

De’Aaron Fox was referencing how fans and media accused this Kentucky team of not caring earlier in the season as it struggled through a losing streak. Suffice to say no one is accusing them of that now.

That pit in your stomach you get while watching that video is actually the hard evidence of what makes sports so great.

There are few things in life that produce such raw emotion at such heightened extremes. All of them, including sports, have this one thing in common: we care.

No, it’s not just a game and yes, there is crying in basketball.

PS I saw this earlier in the week and meant to blog about it. Since it is kinda-sorta related, I’ll just leave it here.

No one blames you for going to sleep once Big Blue started milking the clock.

When an 11-point kontest checks out as the best game of the tournament (at that point in time), it’s officially a snooze-fest.

The Blue Blood Battle between Kentucky and UCLA lived up to the hype. I’d say it even ekceeded ekspektations. Pretty sure every single first-half basket resulted in a lead change. Felt like it, at least. We just didn’t get the finish we deserved. Our NBA barn burner slowly faded down the stretch, leaving us reluktantly satisfied.

How ’bout a buzzer beater? Just one stinking buzzer beater. I’m easy to please. I don’t ask for much. All I want for Madness is a buzzer beater. It’s not March without one.

Better make it two.

UK-UCLA seemed like it would be the knight’s only game worth watching before everything started. Three games in and that was feeling even more true than anyone kould have guessed. But the skore in the knightkap was klose, so sure, why knot. Left Koast sports fans have all the fun. But again, no one blames the KUBE’s Midwest majority for turning in early.

As long as you were dreaming of buzzer beaters and everything March Madness is supposed to be, you didn’t miss much.

First the 8-seeded Badgers rally from an 8-point deficit in the final 1:44 and eskape the Gator-jaws of defeat with this.

WE ARE TIED! #Sweet16 pic.twitter.com/bevXrEVRAh

— NCAA March Madness (@marchmadness) March 25, 2017

It wasn’t teknically a buzzer beater, but at this point we’ll take it. Sure woke me up. And hey, overtime is kool too.

Then it was Florida’s turn to make a late komeback, erasing a 4-point deficit in the final 40 seconds. Two Wiskonsin free throws with four sekonds remaining then set the table for this.

FLORIDA WINS ON A BUZZER-BEATER! #Sweet16 pic.twitter.com/t8ooUMf7Gy

— NCAA March Madness (@marchmadness) March 25, 2017

Not just a buzzer beater. A frantic-run-down-the-kourt-at-full-speed-and-float-up-a-prayer buzzer beater.

Well, there’s your buzzer-beater, America. #Sweet16 pic.twitter.com/giPfAHq1vk

— NCAA March Madness (@marchmadness) March 25, 2017

It wasn’t Paige/Jenkins, but Showalter/Chiozza was pretty close. #Sweet16 pic.twitter.com/XFKDJYiWRy

— NCAA March Madness (@marchmadness) March 25, 2017

March. pic.twitter.com/A0UANEBqTo

— NCAA March Madness (@marchmadness) March 25, 2017

FINALLY! MARCH MADNESS IS HERE!

Justin Time, too, bekause check out this Elite 8 slate.

The #Elite8 pic.twitter.com/JGE3gJBnun

— NCAA March Madness (@marchmadness) March 25, 2017

Zaga-Xavier, with a Final Four first-timer regardless of the winner.

Ducks-Jayhawks, quack quack quack! This one will have some high-flying fireworks for sure.

Florida-SC… as in, NOT Duke (But seriously, if you don’t think this one will be fun, you haven’t been watching).

Then the granddaddy of ’em all, Heels-Kats. Woo doggy! If you thought the first half of the UCLA game was good, wait until you get a load of this! Might need to move my KUBE Championship Satellite party up a week for that.

My mom is taking over the KUBE?

OH %$&*#@, MY MOM IS TAKING OVER THE KUBE!!!

As a wise wanton man once said… what kind of %$&*#@ up world are we living in?

The Sweet 16 gave us four (er, make that 3.5) amazing games tonight last knight, but as of the final media time out in the knightkap it looked like all chalk would survive. As far as Madness goes, it was pretty standard stuff. Great knight for watching. Not so great for blogging.

Translation: bedtime.

Um, X that.

ICYMI, Xavier made a furious 9-0 run in the final minutes to stun crowd favorite Arizona. It was the perfekt end to a sweet knight of hoops. Yet I was still feeling rather uninspired for what to write. We were still pretty mild on the Madness meter. Five days in and we still don’t have a buzzer beater!

The Oregon-Michigan barn burner felt like it just ended without warning and the Ducks just happened to be slightly ahead. Kould have watched a whole ‘nother half of that if not for the other three games koming on.

“Press Virginia” was as impressive as advertised. Zaga won anyway, so I’d say yes, you kan be the most underrated team in the tourney even as a 1 seed.

Purdue-KU was fun until the second half started. Seems like we’re overdue for my Gollum-voiced “We hatesssss Kansas… nasty Jayhawks.”

And then came the grand finale, the late haymaker that X-ed out mighty Arizona.

At this point the blog was going to read something like… “Sweet; no one saw that koming; you were probably sleeping, so not many saw it happen either; make sure to watch Sports Center this morning; good night.”

Grasping for something a little more, I checked out the buzz on social media. Pretty typical stuff there as usual. Hmmm, I wonder the what the standings look like OH MY SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY WHAT THE %$&*#@ IS “KUKLA, MARIA” DOING THAT HIGH!?!?

What the…

Sixth place?!?! Halfway into the Sweet 16 and my mom is in SIXTH PLACE! How is that even possible?

And there it is, a few columns over under the “Predicted Champ” label: Xavier.

I don’t have the slightest idea as to why my mom picked Xavier. Maybe she flipped a coin. Maybe Kenda the Kat scratched a big X on the couch. Maybe she has a thing for musketeers.

I do, however, know what wasn’t her reason for picking Xavier. It wasn’t bekause she watched two hours of Bracketology and three hours of “The Experts” — or, you know, a college basketball game here and there. It wasn’t bekause she liked how Xavier matched up with Maryland, FSU and Zona — or even knew anything about any of those teams. It wasn’t bekause she looked up the KenPom, BPI, 538 and NumberFire ratings/projektions and it wasn’t bekause she compared those to multiple sets of consensus picks so she kould Zag where everyone zigged.

How do I know all this?

Bekause she’s not in 401st place, like me.

Now that’s Madness.

Soooo….why is the Kukla kid (man) so angry? He appears to be the proto-typical, angry, white, who took my basketball cheese type guy. It shouldn’t surprise. His father (the original Donald) has historically had a LOT of anger issues but you hate seeing those bleed into the next generations. Genetics is hard.

The brakkets…the brakkets are a nightmare. Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal is already planning on a Michigan/Wisconsin Final. Worse things can happen but I certainly cannot conceive of anything more disasterous. With Duke and Notre Dame out and no team I have any even tangential relationship to, I just want to win and I think my only path to victory is UCLA winning it all.

Meanwhile… as I stated on KUBE Facebook page…

What kind of “Man” can file four brakkets and still have his highest position in the 80’s….trailing his daughter, his wife and one of his son’s. My oldest son, God bless him, is fighting his own genetic morass and alas it appears he is doing so unsuccessfully.

As promoted by Jon Becker, I urge you all to mark your calendars for the finals and the Party at the Kukla Depot! As stated KUBE management will consider all applications for satellite KUBE parties with the following Kaveats.

1. As it was said by someone in one of those big religious books…”wherever two or more or gathered in KUBE’s name…we will buy at least a Crave Case and a 12 pack.
2. You need to post photgraphic evidence of the gathering on the KUBE Facebook Page.
3. If there are any males in the gathering, someone (say, hypothetically Ryan Kotenko) must be topless for the picture.
4. White Castles must be served.
5. There is a strong recommendation that Busch Beer be consumed (Busch+White Castle=KUBE Kommunion).

Please keep these things in mind. Skyping in to the main party might also be a bad/stupid/useless idea and thus might be perfect.

Xavier. Seriously?

I love Bobby Huggins. There, I said it. Maybe the Kukla kid could hate on him for a little.

That is all I got. Enjoy your Spring Break!