Who wouldn’t want to draw this out even more? Gooooooo CBS!

“Just finished watching the selektion show and realized games already started.”

That was an aktual quote from next year’s blog.

Yes, CBS thought their ekstended selektion show special snooze fest was so sucksessful that they are planning a week-long reveal for 2017. One region per day, with a new matchup koming out every hour.

Turrrible

Get ready for 64 hours of Chuck! Dude kan used to be able to ball and kan break down NBA games with the best of them a bunch of World Wide Leader kastoffs, but not sure he’s aktually watched more than a highlight package’s worth of a kollege game. At least he makes funny kommercials.

I think CBS knew Barkley wouldn’t be able to figure out a basik touch screen on live TV but decided to run with it anyway in hopes of distrakting the audience from what he was saying.

No wonder the bracket got leaked! Some poor soul just kouldn’t take it anymore and decided to try to end the missouri misery.

CBS should do everyone a favor and pump that bracket out in a half-hour show before turning the technology over to Chuck & Co. — but that will never happen bekause greedy networks want to sell more ads and they know everyone will bolt to watch the people still employed by ESPN as soon as that final pairing pops up on the skreen.

So on and on and on and on and on with the show!

BABY’S GOT QUACK!

While Chuck was busy babbling, @RealBabyKukla was busy making picks.

Daddy got his act together an upgraded the selektion process. Goodbye randomly seeded toys. Hello pictures of each team’s maskots!

David, how strong are you? “I’m too strong!”

Now able to know which teams he was aktually picking between, David turned in a rather kompelling bracket. His raw Final Four was Oregon over Cal and Notre Dame over Seton Hall, with the Ducks kutting down the nets over the Irish.

Daddy made a few edits and justified the korruption by labeling the entry as a “Father-Son” bracket. Kute, right? That’s the kind of PR that could make [any of this year’s presidential kandidates] seem like a passable reasonable solid attraktive option when voting.

Yes, people, we’re making the KUBE great again — one scandalous bracket at a time.

So while Oregon over Cal remained untouched, now David is rolling with MSU over UNC in the Final Four… because Carolina is in the same conference as the Irish and MSU wears green too… so really I didn’t make any changes at all.

Just TRUST DAD… because he’s TRUSTDAD.

See what I did there? Now I’m totally legit!

STOP THE CARR!!!

Kwick shoutout to Fresno and Bakersfield for finding the dance floor for the first time in forever (literal for Bakersfield, mostly literal for Fresno).

That was fun while it lasted.

Fresno is already heading home and Bakersfield reportedly busy asking Buddy Hield for autographs.

I give the shoutout because I kurrently live directly between these two Central Valley towns. This is what people do when they have personal konnections to stuff in pop culture.

Raiders QB Derek Carr grew up in Bakersfield and played at Fresno, so of kourse he picked them both to make the championship. And of kourse he tweeted about it.

I have Cal State University Bakersfield and Fresno State in the final game. #MarchMadness ??

— Derek Carr (@derekcarrqb) March 14, 2016

And of kourse some dumb sports writer killed him for it.

Sports writers do dumb stuff all the time. I should know.

They make statements during player/coach interviews instead of asking questions — and still expekt a response. Then when they do ask a kwestion it’s usually “how does it feel?” to make the game-winning/losing play (because that’s not obvious… I’ve done both of these things multiple times, by the way).

But this is a new level of dumb.

Hey kid, that’s not how you ride a tractor. Stop having so much fun!

Carr is so klearly not trying to give any kind of real analysis, prediktion or insight to the tourney. He’s just happy to celebrate with two towns he loves dearly and is letting the world know about it — what every normal person with a social media account does. It’s the klassik “Hey, this kool thing is happening and I am in some way, shape or form konnekted to it … so, yeah, yay for that cool thing and yay for me” move we see every day on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter (yep, I’m guilty here, too… so, so guilty).

But this dumb sports writer acts like Carr is trying to be Jay Bilas or something. This is like skolding an 18-month-old for holding a whiffle ball bat inkorrectly after he picks one up for the first time (guilty again, 3 strikes I’m out).

I hesitated to link the story because it’s so awful. It does not deserve this attention or traffic.

But I too am was once a dumb sports writer so I really can’t do its awfulness justice and need you to read it for yourself to understand what I’m talking about.

PS Why do you think so many of us like to use social media to kall attention to ourselves kool stuff we’re konnected to? It’s way too late for me to answer that right now — another blog for another time. But it’s a kwestion worth pondering, nonetheless.

Selektion Sunday is usually one of my most favorite (and anticipated) days of the year.

Not this year.

Finally got to see my favorite comedian perform live a few weeks ago… and also met him! Just wish I wasn’t so star struck and remembered to tell him “take luck” before the show.

This year, I’m feeling more like Brian Regan from his “Stupid in School” bit. More specifikally, I’m feeling like Brian Regan felt on science fair day.

Your head would pop off the pillow, “Oh no, that’s due today. I had nine months to work on it and I did nothing.”

Yep, I had five months to watch kollege basketball and I did nothing. Okay, so not “nothing” but pretty klose to it. Let’s just say I kan’t remember a season during which I watched less kollege basketball and it’s not even klose. I blame this guy.

That’s one guilty ‘stache if I’ve ever seen one.

Now my science project is due and all I have is the equivalent of Brian Regan’s cup of dirt.

I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup and filled it with dirt, just hoping she knew I was an idiot and walk right on past me. ‘What do you have there, Brian?’ It’s a cup of dirt. Just put an F on there and let me go home.

Luckily for me, my cup of dirt isn’t due quite yet after all, so here’s to kramming five months of kollege basketball into the next three days!

What a great tournament we had going until my Lutheran heritage kicked in

So this is March Madness
I hope you have fun
Another year over
Before the Final Four has begun

—

And so this is March Madness. Pops tried to warn me. Gave me the talk and all that but nothing can prepare you for your first time.

My relationship with this tournament started hot and heavy. It was love at first sight. Feeling good and feeling right.

But that opening Thursday seems like a distant dream now. Like an all-inclusive honeymoon cruise where the upsets are unlimited and every game ends with a buzzer beater.

Friday rolled around and it was back to the real world. The daily grind of chalk set in all too quickly.

You can call off the search party, Mr. Becker. I’m here. I’m fine. A little milk drunk from downing my sorrows, but fine.

Remember this? Thank you, I’ll have another. Don’t tell me that ship has sailed.

When Dad was kicked off the sports desk at work and subsequently lost blogging privileges for the KUBE, I felt somewhat obligated to pick up the slack. But life as a 7-month-old is rough. There’s only so many hours in the day, you know. How’s a little man supposed to get 15 hours of sleep when there’s a mountain of toys to work through and two parents back home who demand my full attention as soon as they walk through the door?

Then the basketball blue bloods go and suck all the fun out of my first NCAA Tournament. So sue me, Mike, if I don’t feel like spending what little tummy time I get chronicling the utter destruction of my bracket.

Oh that opening Thursday. So full of wonder. So full of hope.

Georgia State’s coach wasn’t the only one floored by his team’s win

There was UAB sweeping away everyone’s favorite dark horse like a cyclone out of the south. It was only moments later that Georgia State made us all fall out of our chairs with that deep 3 at the buzzer. UCLA just laughed at everyone saying they shouldn’t be in the tournament and gave those Southern Methodists a fresh hot sports take of their own. Even THE Hated Ohio State gave Shaka a shocker in their unfamiliar role as underdog.

But then those evil Jayhawks tipped off our first Friday and boy did the chalk rock. Down went mommy’s beloved NMSU Aggies. Down went everyone’s beloved Crusaders – a trendy upset pick even outside the friendly Lutheran confines of the KUBE where this Homer pick was mandatory (roll that ’98 highlight package one more time, CBS, it’s in the contract). Down went every single 12-seed for the first time since we had a white [Republican, American, competent] president.

Stop shuddering. 2007 wasn’t that long ago. It just seems that way because of the reference.

Back to barackets. I mean brackets. Dangit ESPN!

It’s been HOW long!?

Sure Wichita State gave us the not-so-shocker of an upset as Kansas ironically lost in the year of rock chalk. Izzo and his boys made their annual THIS! IS! SPARTA! impression with yet another overachieving March through the madness.

Yawn. I think I need another nap. Anything my dad can pick really isn’t all that interesting or surprising. He even had the NC State “upset” over vastly overrated Villanova before scratching it out last second #whosthebabynow.

The Sweet 16 set up so perfectly. I just needed to hit somewhere – anywhere – amongst my many Elite 8 longshots.

Wichita State? No luck against the Irish.

Xavier? About gave pops a heart attack but eventually proved to be just another lousy team from Ohio.

UCLA? My chance at the KUBE Top 10 will SEE YOU LAter.

Spartans! What is your profession!? Kill Duke! Kill Duke! Kill Duke!

At least my champion pick Louisville made it through before MSU went all 300 on them. But if Xavier-Zona was a near heart attack for dad, that one may have caused a legitimate stroke. I think he loses a year off his life every time a Spartan attempts a free throw.

In the end, all we are left with is a blue blood bath (great, bath time was my favorite time of the day but Duke just ruined that, too). All signs point to the dreaded Kentucky-Duke final we all saw coming but never felt dirty enough to pick. (Yes, I admit to putting Puke in my Final Four but that was just to make pops squirm a bit – even I threw up in my mouth a bit #neverhappens).

That being said, there are way too many perfect Final Fours showing up in the KUBE Standings. Sure, picking three 1’s + Izzo fits right in with the whole “Stupid People Doing Stupid Things” bit, but I guess we need to add “With Zero Imagination Whatsoever” to the end of that slogan. Maybe a hearty “Hate Fun and Root for Evil (The blue Devil Himself)” would do.

Sound familiar?

I’m totally on board with this “I hate Christian Laettner” movement. Seems like this whole mess of a tournament is probably his fault. Him and that rat-faced coach of his must be behind this.

It’s all right there in the ESPN 30-for-30 five points of hate: privilege, white, bully, greatness and looks.

Wow, I hate myself.

And so merry March Madness
And happy Final Four
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without Okafor

There has been an eerie silence from the Left Coast and some of us suspect foul play in regard to the poor kids whereabouts and condition. Why haven’t we read anything in the papers? I smell a kover up. More importantly he has been totally failing in keeping any flow of komments as promised. I will not have it. We will not have it. The KUBE Knation deserves better.

Because there is indeed a just and loving God he granted me the gift of some gallstones this weekend to contemplate the brackets. Watching Notre Dame and (gasp) cheering for the Fighting Irish and then watching them go down to the Monolith almost caused a recurrence of my issues but… what a game! This upside down, topsy turvy world of NCAA Tournament Basketball reminds of the upcoming Primaries where we see a terrorist base controlling the whole system. Wisconsin’s win was solid and while Arizona put of a game fight they once again proved my brother in law’s rule of never, EVER betting on a team West of Lawrence Kansas. Ever.

Today we have Gonzaga trying to prove the theory wrong against the hated DUKE. With Ohio State out of the Tournament I can focus all negative Karma on the Blue Devils. So…go BullDogs! Michigan State Louisville…Go Spartans. Though it grieves me. Life is painful and full of hard choices. The quality of reporting from our coordinator has been outstanding and though he is at best a damaged scion of an awful gene pool Jamie Winstroer is poised to win this thing, though not even in the top three. What kind of country is this? I am now forced to cheer for a Wisconsin upset in order to avoid this nightmare.

My best possible outcome for my three brackets is 257! I mean, I am no Adam Reed but certainly I should finish ahead of Drew Burbridge!

So by 7 or so Central Standard (Merican) time we will have our Final 4 and the Koordinator should be in a position to post outcomes based on different skenarios. To those of you still in the hunt, I don’t know what deal you made with the devil to get here but only you have to look at yourself in the mirror and live with yourself. The rest of us will try and enjoy the tournament as UK seems to march, not perfectly, but unbeatenly (I know it is not a word) towards the Championship.

Go Badgers!

  “This Is The Business We Have Chosen.”

It is a dirty business and watching Kentucky perform an extended execution of loveable, genius, buffoon, Bobby Huggins and his “scrappy” victims from West Virginia was more than I could stand.  I went to bed.  Maybe if I was intoxicated in a bar it would have been slightly interesting.  But at home all I could think of as the Mountaineers tried to run on the Wildcats was what I think in every teen slasher movie was, NOOOOOOOOOOO!  DON’T WALK BACKWARDS INTO THE DARKENED ROOM!  DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE!  DON’T TURN ON THE TV WITH THE CRAZY LEPRECHAUN ON IT!  But they did.  I said to the not loveable and oft discredited John Calipari…”You had me at 17-2″ and I went to bed.  In going to bed I essentially turned my back on him and the fabulous Kentucky “program”.  It is one thing to knock someone out, but even in the brutal sport of boxing, when the guy falls to the floor…you stop hitting him and you certainly don’t stand over the body…kicking it in the head…killing it…then standing over it and kicking it…laughing.  This team appears to be God’s walking among men and with Calipari hat the help they appear to have no soul.  I watched some scenes from late in the game this morning… I know, Kentucky could have scored more but that still didn’t justify this charade.

A perfect contest for the “Quicken Loans Arena”.

“We said when we came in here at halftime, ‘Step on their throats,’ ” Cauley-Stein said. “ ‘Don’t let them back up.’ ”

Was Dexter Miles Jr. an immature ass for talking trash?  Sure.  Was it appropriate to stick a gun in his mouth and execute him on national TV?  Likely not.

I am certain that all the people who tell me this is just the way competition goes and sports is a great lesson for life and a lot of other bullshit but this was the best argument ever for the professionalism of the game that already exists at the elite schools that seriously has sucked the fun out of the contests.  Kentucky currently is perceived as the best path to the pros and Calipari has done a great job but seriously, this team has no business in College basketball.  They still could stumble but who cares.  No one can question they are the best team in the land, and not by a little bit. n Kentucky Started with Vegas odd of 10/13 to win the National Championship.  It looks like a sucker bet at this point.

Fortunately we have the KUBE to entertain us.  Let’s start at the bottom.  The Klassiness of our kontestants rarely ceases to disappoint.  We have N. Logan at dead last, “Flip Flop” in second to last and “Some Bitch” holding down third to last.  Since she picked Valpo to win it all it is safe to say it is “Some Lutheran Bitch”.  Interestingly according to Turbo Tourny (the worst program available according to our Koordinator) all three are trending up!

At the top, I don’t know what happened and I am afraid we might see them again but the hated Jamie Winstroer and Jon Becker have disappeared.  They both have Kentucky and are likely to return to some prominence but we can all hope that the stupid kids from Wisconsin prevail.  Go Badgers!  We now have Greg Gates (seriously?) in first.  Gates is my nephew and in his 7 years at Murray State never would have dreamed that he might see 1000 dollars all at once from a KUBE payday.  Up is down, bad is good, hello is goodbye…Thanks Obama!  Joyce Maples (I still do not know who she is) loojks very contentious in 2nd with a little potential and Dan Farrell (who fired me from my last job) is skulking along in the money and also looks strong.  Dan filled out his brakkets while in trial!  Yes it was indeed billable time.

Interesting people hanging around the top.  Payne (with AZ), Mary Becker (with Notre Dame) and Michael Johnson Jr. (with Duke).  His entry begs the question of who let Michael Johnson Sr. reproduce but we will hold that commentary for another day.

Good games this evening as well.  I get the feeling that the entire nation will be looking for  Kentucky stumble after their bullying, felonious beating of West Virginia.

Greg Gates will be removed from leaderboard by the klose of business if we do not get our money!

There is an ugly side to this KUBE business.  A seamy, muddy. festering side and that is of course money.  Deadbeats have a long tradition in the KUBE.  Blue Horseshoe once had to be hunted down at a bar and threatened with a knife to help “find his wallet”.   Todd King left the country once rather than pay on time.  Patrick Mc Ginnis (being ahead of his time) tried to pay in Bit-Coin (it was 2001!).  @colinfields intentionally kept himself unemployed for years and filed a “student poverty waiver”.  Brent Beumer tried to elude payment my constantly and forcefully stating “BUT I AM IN COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE” and literally hundred of you miserable human beings over the years  uttered the most reviled lie in all of KUBEDOM….”I paid Becker”.  But we fixed it.  Or thought we did when we moved to Pay Pal and became part of the evil empire.  But still we have people who either are Luddites (look it up) or worse just think they can skate.  Well you can’t.  We know who you are.  Even if you used fake names.  Even I am reasonably certain that the cretin who thought it would be funny to enter as “Hairy Balls” has an email address.  I am also as certain he does not have children we can threaten but Mr. Balls…make no mistake, we are coming for the bean bag chair in which you sleep in your parents basement!  No one expects the KUBIST Inquisition.  We will get our money.  WE KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN WOULD GO TO SCHOOL if you had children and if the poor kids even had the possibility of ever being mainstreamed!

So….you people on the list below.  You days are numbered.  A few have already made amends but for the rest of you….we promise pain and eternal banishment of your email from KUBE and your email address being published to the winners for additional kollektion aktions in State and Federl Kourt!  You have been warned!

Dorn, Tony/Christian

Duran, Blaise

Duran, Blaise

Duran, Blaise

Chrissy Strong

Whiting, Chris

harbaugh, Dan

Treese, Erik

Gates, Greg

Gates, Greg

Williamson, Hunter

Bonds Barry Bonds

Jim Barry

Thee Terrell Owens

Schlafly, JOe

kidder, Joe

Josh Cannon

Kissam, Griffin OR Kissam, Luke

Mabeus, Jeff 2

old school 2

Pudman

klinetop, william

pierre reginald

sue o’meara

tommy perry

harry balls

cottrell wayne

I wonder what animal David Kukla picked for my beloved Valparaiso Krusaders?  The world wants to know!

The Krusaders fought the good fight but in Klassik NCAA style…upset Thursday did not result in upset Friday and generally the seeds held.  It was nice that Valpo kept it klose.  I was a fan of the Terrapin back in the Lefty Driesell days.  How could you not like a team coached by a guy named Lefty?  That was so long ago that Jim Boeheim had only been coaching for 10 years when Lefty quit.  Lefty is 83 now.  Boeheim is like Dick Clark and needs to be carbon dated or we can cut him in half and count his aged and cheating rings.  It was a good basketball day yesterday. I worked through the first half of the day and then came home to watch Valpo tip.  It was the kind of game that reminds me about why I love this tournament.

Louisville held off the furious charge of the UC Anteaters.  I have always been a UC Chico fan but the Anteaters kept it interesting to the last minute, playing way over their head competing with the number two band of konvikts from Kentucky.  Not that I am bitter.  Mizzou fielded a solid Division III team this year and looks forward to a lot of happy years playing competitively against powerhouses like Vandy to see who finished last in the SEC.

TO THE BRAKKETS!

The KUBE Managing Kommittee met last night to watch a little late night basketball.  David was unable to fly the KUBE jet in from the Koast but there was a lot of discussion regarding how to incentivize the KUBE nation to expand.  More on that later. At one point prior to passing out last night I was in 15th place.  If only I could have frozen that moment in time!   Probably most of you have never had the feeling but for me…being 53 years old and suddenly rocketing up out of no where to the heady heights of one of the finest NCAA brakkets in the country…. well…. I know that I have officially peaked.

At the top of our brakkets…. What is a Maples?  Is this what we have become?  If so I weep for our future.

The Shapiro entries remain impressive as we move to the round of 32.  Neither entry has Kentucky winning.  Our grand and glorious and esteemed leader Kim Jon Un has promised analysis of the Champion but he has been to busy attending Mexican fish fries to “get the work done”.  A lot of folks made a 28 place jump including Andrew (Bizzy’s Brother) Levine and Laura (no he is not my father) Becker.  Most impressive however is John Nagle III 90 spot jump up into 19th.  Nagle can be seen Posting His Brakkets here.  Very serious young man. He holds these truths to be self evident!

At the bottom….where do we find these people.  Although the Lichetensteins are relentless in their quest for the bottom they have been supplanted by the Snyders.  No whether it is Shapiros, Snyders or Lichtensteins I have no idea whether couples are actually playing or it is an individual trying to be klever but in the case of the Snyders I am starting to think that KUBE needs like a Ladies Auxilliary who when people are failing this spectacularly can like publish a notice and different KUBE Kontestants can bring the family a covered dish each night so they have a meal.  I pray that people who make piks this poorly are not cooking or operating heavy machinery.  More surprising was the appearance of George Beumer near the bottom.  George is one of the few bright lights in the Beumer clan which is almost Becker like in their non-achievement.  We trust George will be moving up!

So we are down to 32!  I expect a lot of good things today.  I might have gotten a little karried away yesterday on the KUBE Facebook page commenting on the VU game but my wife has me back on my medikation and we are hopeful that today will be a more “balanced” day.  But don’t count on it!

Sooooooooooooouuuuuiiiieeeeeee!  Go Hogs!

This is me, making my picks. Why dad thought this was a good idea I will never know.

I woke up Friday morning to see that I am crushing my dad in the KUBE standings. Hey pops, are you smarter than a 6-month old?

Apparently not.

Dad thought he had this genius plan to rig my picks this year. Basically, he stole all my toys and seeded them into a blank bracket based on how much he thought I liked them. He then shoved a pair of toys from each matchup in front of my face and waited for me to grab one and shove it into my mouth – because that’s what I do #BabyLife.

Not sure how getting chewed and slobbered on equates to being a winner, but this is apparently how my dad thinks the world works. Anyway, you get the idea. All dad has to do is figure out which toys I will most consistently grab at, make them the top seeds and let me take care of the rest.

Seems like a foolproof way to let a baby genuinely pick his own bracket and keep it competitive – unless, of course, the entire system is set up by a fool.

The final results from David’s first Selektion Sunday… all his favorite toys seeded into four regions by category. Dad clearly has no idea which toys he prefers.

Dad’s first mistake was not letting mom seed the toys. Why consult the woman who is with me every waking moment of my life when you can make these calls yourself based on what goes down during a lunch break?

Mistake 2: Assuming I will grab the toys I play with every day over new toys I’ve never seen before. A wooden block may seem plain and boring to you, but I’m cutting teeth here and that thing fits in my mouth way better than some big, fancy electronic thingy.

But dad’s biggest mistake was not telling me what was going on in the first place. If it was a competitive bracket he wanted, how about letting the guy making picks in on the game? It would have been nice to know I was actually picking basketball teams, not which toy I was most interested in devouring at that given moment.

The toy that sent Hampton to David’s Elite 8. It’s hideous, annoying, a little creepy and apparently way more grab friendly than Snoopy.

So here I am, stuck with a bracket that has three different 16’s toppling 1’s. My first March Madness pick of my entire life was Hampton over Kentucky. That’s right, my dad successfully duped me into predicting that the first 1 seed to ever lose to a 16 in the history of the entire NCAA Tournament would be an undefeated team featuring two whole platoons of All-Americans.

The madness didn’t stop there, either. I was also conned into picking first-round losses for Wisconsin, Arizona, Villanova, Virginia, Gonzaga and Kansas – that’s seven of the Top 8 teams I have going one-and-done. Only a team that rhymes with my second favorite activity – puke – survived.

Great job seeding those toys, dad.

Highlights from my first Selektion Sunday

• Had to throw Dad a bone and let him know that he is at least succeeding in his early attempts to brainwash me into rooting for all his favorite sports teams. I sent the Rams football (Xavier) through to the Final Four with a head-to-head victory over a Broncos ball (Oregon) in the Elite Eight. I’m guessing I’ll learn later in life why the Rams weren’t deemed worthy of the 1 seed.
• That being said, not even “Cardinals 101” (Stephen F. Austin) could defeat “Why I Love My Mommy” (Utah) in the opening round of the “Books” region. This set up an epic Round of 32 battle against “Why I Love My Daddy” (Georgetown) — Dad’s favorite bedtime book, of course. We were deep into the selection process at this point and I could see Dad was pretty depressed at how miserably he failed at getting me to pick a competitive bracket, so I felt obligated to boost his spirits a bit by sending his book through (I still love you Mommy!).
  

  David’s Final Four: Xavier (Rams football) and Duke (Little Dog book) with Louisville (Rubber Duck) defeating Wichita State (Holy Cow Bear) in the championship.

• You should have seen dad’s face when I reached for that Pig (Hampton) instead of Snoopy (Kentucky). He put so much thought into seeding each item, even testing out the top toys beforehand to make sure they would beat anything they came up against. It was no accident that he put “Stuffed Animals” in that upper left region. I had been grabbing for Snoopy all week long, so I’m sure Dad thought that was a lock to win the whole thing or at least make a deep run to the Final Four. But then he runs out of stuffed animals and spots that weird pig laying forgotten over in the corner. It rolls around and laughs whenever a motion detector sets it off, so I can only imagine both Mom and Dad were pretty fed up with it. Anyway, in it goes as the 16 just as space filler to complete the bracket and … OH LOOK, SOMETHING NEW TO PLAY WITH!!!

—

I, David Robert Kukla, am the first born son of Dan Kukla, the first born son of “The Donald” Kukla. My twitter account @RealBabyKukla dad set up for me last year was hacked over the offseason, and now I’m locked out from sending any tweets. As revenge, I’m taking over this hack’s “Left Koast Komments” blog.

David’s first bracket, with his toy selections translated into their corresponding teams

Soooo…. I made a day of it an sat at Hot Shots Webster (arguably really Shrewsbury or Marlborough) for 4 hours yesterday afternoon eating chicken wings and drinking vodka.  In the Becker family we refer to that as “Thursday”.  But it was not just ANY Thursday, it was the first round of  the KUBE which incidentally runs at the same time as the Men’s Division I NCAA Men’s Tournament.  I whooped when the first ball was tipped in the Notre Dame game and choked down my animosity regarding “Touchdown Jesus” and cheered for the dreaded Fighting Irish who did the right thing and prevailed and for one golden moment my brakkets we perfect.

While I am not here to talk about the past, looking at the carnage of my brakkets I feel like a veteran who has been asked how the war was.  “You really want to know?”  All I really have to say is Iowa State.  Iowa State.  Iowa Fricking State!  I know better than to place my hopes on the Clones (The Cyclones as they are affectionately referred to in Ames Iowa.  I mean…. they have been the laughing stock of the now lost and lamented Big 8 of my youth and certainly are not doing much better in the now laughable Big 12.  The fell to UAB?!  Gene Bartow does not coach there anymore.  They are not even coached by his son Murray or…Missouri Coaching legend embarrassed cough Mike Anderson.  They are indeed coached by Jerod (buy a vowel) Haase!  This guy!

I am looking for some aggressive moves from Liechtenstein…perhaps making a move to Switzerland and/or bumping Joren (what is a Joren?) out of last place.  But who is temporarily up top and laughing at all of us?  Well, how would I know?  I cannot even see the top of the brakkets from where my pics sit but Kim Jon Un our beloved and merciful and benevolent emperor for life of everything under heaven, long may he live and prosper has advised that our current leader is Rudy Chazz (two Z’s) followed by the Shapiro twins.  The Shapiros are always kinf of kreepily kompetitive in the KUBE and we value them as long time Kontestants but in my mind…Rudy has been with us for a long time as well and has made a play near the top at some point but I cannot be sure due to the limited plasticity of my brain.

 Should we be concerned?  I think we should.  An investigation will be forthcoming.  The bottom line is that in two hours my brakkets were decimated.  I know there are more games to be played but at this point I feel like I might at well work.

Valpo tips at 3:40.  Perhaps there is still a just and loving God but alas… I despair.

Sooooo KUBE 2015!
“Spring and what’s left
Of the hippies return.
From old rooming houses in Mexico.”
-Greg Browne

It is time again when all of our hearts and eyes turn to TRU TV. We don’t know why the games are on TRU TV. We have not tuned into TRU TV since last March but here we are again with our old friend and hopefully with a large screen TV in a bar and it is Thursday and it is 11:15 Central Standard Time and all of a sudden the hated Fightin Irish, fresh off of a St. Patrick’s Day bender will be tipping off against the… well I don’t know what they are… the “Noreasters” of Northeastern University. Is it even a University? Anyway…. The madness begins and as it has been for most of your life…. The KUBE is here with you. Because we are your friends, we are not like the others. As long as you don’t try and make eye contact with us during games or evidence any threatening or rapid arm movements there is a reasonably good chance that we will not smash a pint glass over the bridge of your nose…or knose as we Kubists like to say.

It is Wednesday! It is a good day. I have put in two brakkets and have paid for one more. The KUBE was at 150 as of this morning. My son… our beloved and imperial leader and GOD emperor for life tells me not to worry and who am I to argue with him. People who argue with Kim Jon Un….tend to be disappeared. But we are not hear to talk about the past. No Valpo reminiscences this year. This year is obviously about one thing and that is doing everything humanly possibly to keep Centucky and their team of mercenary thugs from running the table. To quote the bard… the spokesperson for our age…
“Haters gotta hate, hate, hate.”-Taylor Swift (or T Swift as my kids say).

Dylan and or Shakespear kould not have stated it better. We call the Centucky not just because they infringed on KUBE ownership of the letter K but because with Kaliperri it is all about dollars and cents. The bastardization and lie of college basketball has been laid bare by his Mc Donald All Americans. His under achievers stay for two years before moving on to their multi million dollar pro careers. We are naturally looking for pictures of you, your dogs and your pets enjoying the NCAA Tournament and March Madness. Forward them to our Benevolent Leader, the Shining Star of Paektu Mountain, the Symbol of the Fatherland’s Unification, the Invincible and Triumphant General (for more of my son’s titles please view: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Kim_Jong-il’s_titles
Bottom line is you all need to get humping. We need new blood in the KUBE. Expand or die is how I see it. There is no rest for the wikked! Let’s make this thing HAPPEN!